In the midst of the doom and gloom concerning the financial crisis, the nation has been crying out for some hope. With house foreclosures on the rise, people losing their jobs left and right and 401K’s disappearing into thin air, America is looking for something to lift their spirits. They are wondering in the midst of this upside down world if there is anything left that is pure and right.
Well, lift up your eyes my friends for your day of jubilee has come. Direct your gaze to the Fox channel where tonight Season 8 begins of the American Idol franchise. Randy “Did I ever tell you I worked with Mariah Carey” Jackson, Paula “I swear there isn’t booze in my Coke cup” Abdul and Simon “I only own s-medium black t-shirts” Cowell are here to rescue us from our pit of despair.
Attention Obama, this is the real hope our nation desperately needs. Maybe not hope, but at least another topic to discuss around the water cooler. Thousands of people camped out all across America for days just to be packed in a crowded stadium in hopes of getting their big break in the music industry. For every Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood there are thousands of William Hung or Renaldo Lapuz (you are my brother) auditioning. As we tune in, our cynical side hopes we will witness fools in wizard garb, giant banana suits or cheerleading outfits butchering “I Will Always Love You” worse than Whitney would after a night partying with Bobby Brown.
Somehow these performances are so brutal they are good. I’m convinced that the pitch problems they experience have special hypnotic powers. It tricks them into thinking they actually have talent. I realize there are those people who are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame, but the majority of hacks seriously believe they have the pipes to make it to Hollywood.
When they get laughed out of the audition room, there is genuine shock at the response from the judges. This reaction tells us two things: they have never been in touch with reality and are hobbits that live a life of isolation. True friends would never let them get anywhere close to the Idol audition room let alone a karaoke club in a deaf community center. It boggles my mind that no one had the courage to speak up and set them straight.
Okay, that is not entirely true. My social stunted disorder has kept me from opening my mouth when I watch my friends make stupid mistakes, go down rocky roads that lead to danger or struggle with integrity. Why did I hold back? Fear of how they would react. The possibility of losing a friendship was something I couldn’t leave up to chance. Weak excuse I know, but it is the truth. If I was foolish enough to call them out, there was a strong possibility they would return the favor. Not wanting to deal with all my junk I settled for status quo. Granted, this means when it comes to personal growth I am at the “She Bangs” William Hung level flying by the seat of my pants with no professional training. But, I am hoping I can capture America’s heart with my off key performance.