Ring! Ring! School is back in session. As the class bell rings, all of my issues are in their seats. Manliness is rocking his new ‘I Heart Chuck Norris’ t-shirt as he chats it up with the ladies. Anger and Impatience are grumbling in the back row over having not been chosen yet. Lack of Faith sits broken hearted, resigned to the fact that he will never get a shot. Mundane Existence does not see what the big deal is since chances are good that today will be like every other day. Even though I appreciate all the apples on my desk, brown nosing will not get any other issues closer to being head of the class
While going through the attendance sheet, I realize for the first time that one issue is missing: Socially Stunted. Oh great, being the center of attention for an entire month was too much for him to handle. He probably overloaded on Prozac trying to deal with the panic of having to talk to people. We broke the little guy’s spirit and he will never be the same.
The classroom door opens and in walks Socially Stunted all nonchalant as he gives head nods and ‘daps’ to his boys. I need a second to take this all in as I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing. As much as I love to see him own the room, I have to put him in his place:
ME: “Glad you could grace us with your presence. You better have a good excuse for being late…”
SOCIALLY STUNTED: “Sorry teach, I got caught up in a little small talk with a group of people. We were chit chatting about what to get our significant other for Valentine’s Day. Have any suggestions?”
ME: “Well…I…” (Gets cut off)
SOCIALLY STUNTED: “Let me guess, Romeo. You are the thoughtful type who gets his wife chocolates in a heart shaped box, on-sale flowers and, if you are feeling extra romantic, a Hallmark card. After she is underwhelmed by your gift, you go and have dinner at your normal food joint….” (Gets interrupted)
MUNDANE EXISTENCE: “Hey, watch it! There is nothing wrong with the familiar! Having a routine isn’t a bad thing!”
SOCIALLY STUNTED: “Easy fella. I realize that. But, considering it is a romantic holiday that happens only once a year you figure someone would do something special for the one they love. Where they eat isn’t important because you know all they are going to talk about is their kids….I’m just saying.”
ME: “Wow, I think I liked you better when you were a mute. You cut me deep, Socially Stunted. You cut me really deep.”
I wish I could say Socially Stunted was totally off base with his assertions. Yet, he was pretty much on point. Jenn is the love of my life, but sadly my actions and words do not always show my appreciation for what she means to me.
So, looks like for the next month it will be….