Thank you Dr. Neil Clark Warren, I can sleep well tonight. If the doctor’s name doesn’t ring a bell, he is the founder of the Internet’s #1 trusted relationship service, eHarmony.com. According to the company’s website, 236 marriages take place among eHarmony members daily.
So, you might be wondering how Dr. Neil alleviated my sleep issues since he isn’t one of those types of street doctors who sell Ambien and Lunesta out of their car trunk. I just happened to stumble upon one of their commercials while flipping channels. Seeing those cuddly couples making googly eyes at one another set my brain in motion which is impressive considering it was 11 at night. I wonder what the results would be if Jenn and I took their compatibility test. Would the relationship giant known as eHarmony think we were a match or completely wrong for one another?
When I made my way over to the site, I experienced a bit of hesitation. Would Jenn settle for short, thinning hair and socially awkward if she suddenly knew her ideal match was tall, dark and handsome? What if I on top of finding out Jenn and I aren’t compatible, my results came back with zero matches or only women with 10 or more cats? This really could be opening Pandora’s box. So, like in most cases, I chicken out.
Before hitting the X button, I notice that eHarmony is also in the marriage counseling business. They officially bill it as “a personalized, interactive, online marriage wellness program designed to help marriages flourish by building a deepened sense of understanding, appreciation and connectedness.” Come to find out they offered a Free Communication Report so I gave that a whirl.
Here are a few things I learned about myself from the questionnaire. I am a shy, introverted guy who in the midst of his idealistic world is completely disorganized and struggles with personal discontentment and patience. With that description, I sound like the ideal catch for most ladies. Well, at least ladies that are into shut-ins who spend all their time in a cluttered house pacing back and forth wondering when the Domino’s guy is going to get there while still being upset over settling for pizza rather than Chinese food.
They also inform me that conveying my thoughts and feelings do not come naturally and can be a challenge for me at times. This comes as no surprise considering the last time I checked I was a male and we all struggle with expressing our feelings in ways other than by bottling them up or grunting.
After 30 minutes of answering every question under the sun, the communications report comes back with the results. I am happy to let you know our marriage received the eHarmony stamp of approval. Based on the results of the marriage questionnaire, they can tell that I am content and happy in my relationship. Looks like Dr. Neil won’t be referring us to Dr. Phil after all.