The school bell rang 15 minutes ago, but that is of little significance. Attendance today is sparse at best. Upon hearing the possibility that an actual snowflake might fall to the ground somewhere in southeastern North Carolina, many of the issues, fears and regrets assumed school would be cancelled for the rest of the week. Once word got out about the white stuff panic ensued. Paranoia especially freaked out. He fought the lines at the grocery store to stock up on eggs, bread and 5 gallons of milk, which is a bit odd considering he is severely allergic to wheat and also lactose intolerant.
I guess you can never be too prepared for a cold, rainy drizzle. There is no point in even attempting to start a lesson because no one is paying attention anyway. The issues that actually showed up just happen to be the 4 that are nominated to be head of the class for the next 30 days: Impatience, Cynical, Anger and Indecisiveness.
They all reacted differently to the news that their fate lied not in my hands, but with all the voters living in Internet Land. Anger went ballistic and had to be restrained by numerous regrets until he managed to find his ‘happy place.’ On the other hand, every free second Impatience had was spent checking the website for updated results to see where he stood. Indecisiveness went back and forth trying to figure out if he should get his friend, Hesitation, to hack into the system to ensure he would come out on top. But, he never made up his mind. It came as no surprise to anyone when Cynical sat on his hands and did absolutely nothing figuring the outcome was already determined. At least I know from their reactions they are all committed.
For the majority of the day we just twiddle our thumbs waiting for the online voting to come to an end. The clock dings five times and everyone knows what that means. As I turn on my Macbook, all of the issues come up front and huddle around the computer.
Anger (squeezing a stress ball): “DANG IT! If this thing doesn’t load soon I swear I am going to throw it across the room!”
Impatience (tapping his feet): “I know. C’mon, boot up already. This is taking forever.”
Indecisiveness (hands over eyes): “I don’t know guys….do we really want to see the results? If we do, things could change between us and get really awkward. On the other hand, one of our lives is going to be changed forever. I’m torn as to what to do…”
Cynical (rolls his eyes): “Oh please. You seriously cannot be that dense, can you? Whoever the ‘genius’ was that came up with the idea to put this month’s focus to a reader’s vote is completely clueless…” (gets cut off)
Me: “Hey, Mr. Glass Is Half Empty you know that is me you are talking about right?”
Indecisiveness (hands still over the eyes): “Actually, scientists haven’t determined the whole glass argument. Like myself, they cannot decide if it is half empty or half full. They are split 50-50.”
Cynical (throwing hands up in the air): I’m just saying….you put up a poll with 4 issues you need to work on and one of them just happens to be indecisiveness. Indecisiveness! Am I the only person who sees the irony in this? Well guys, I can’t make up my mind on what to focus on so I am going to leave it up to you. I am not even sure why you put it to a vote. Let’s just get on with this silly charade.”
Impatience (pacing back and forth): “Still loading…ah, this is killing me. Can’t you pick up a stronger Wi-Fi signal?”
Anger (clinching his fists): “For the love….I am going to snap. The breathing exercises my therapist taught me aren’t helping at all.”
Cynical (chuckling): “It’s up….and the results are just like I thought. Now the fun part comes watching this train wreck of a decision or lack thereof.”
Me: “Well, the voters have spoken and indecisiveness it is your turn.
Indecisiveness: “Man Teach. You are really putting me on the spot. You know I am not good with that.”
So, for the next month my focus will be:
30 Days To Make A Decision….Well, Maybe.
**FYI: For the curious reader, here is the breakdown of the votes: Indecisiveness (22) Cynical Side (19) Impatience (18) Anger (10) and Other/Reader’s Choice (1)**