Running frantically down the hallway I bump into a few of my issues and regrets that are making a B-Line to the exit doors. I know I am a little late, but why are they out of the classroom? Trying to figure out the exact time, I reach into my pants pocket for my cell phone, but it is nowhere to be found.
Then it hits me; in my rush to get out the door this morning I forgot to grab them from my other pair of slacks along with my wallet. I guess lunch will consist of me feasting on leftover ketchup and mustard packets from the teacher’s lounge.
Entering the classroom I realize that I’m twenty minutes late and few of the issues decided to stick around to see if I would actually show. Before I can even start today’s lesson, the regrets that are sitting in their seats begin to chuckle. Cynical side raises his hand while attempting to hold back laughter.
Cynical Side: “I am sorry teach, but I have to ask: what is going on? Did you dress yourself in the dark? You look like a hot mess.”
Me: “Sorry, I slept through the alarm clock. Jenn and the girls went to visit her folks out west and I’ve been bacheloring it up for the past week. I think I am doing okay.”
Cynical Side: “Yes, if by okay you mean wearing a wrinkled shirt with an imprint of an iron on it, mismatched socks and jeans where you can play connect the dots with the stains then yes you are doing an amazing job. Let me guess…you are wearing used boxers.”
Me: “In my book if you flip them inside out, they’re brand new.”
Cynical Side: “I feel for you teach. It must be hard to find time to clean clothes and do other chores while you sit on the couch watching reruns of Scrubs as you eat McDonald’s for the 4th night in a row.”
Me: “Wait a second, I actually made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich one night and I whipped up something this morning: Pop Tarts. I like to call it the breakfast of champions. And as far as the laundry goes I still haven’t figured out if the washing machine has the door on the side or on top. It is very confusing if you ask me.”
Cynical Side: “That’s a Pop Tart? Wow, I thought it was…. well I wasn’t really sure. I just know it smells like burnt tires. Look, all of the issues and regrets eventually want our time in the spotlight, but some things are bigger than us. You know what you need to focus on this month.”
Me: “I think you’re right.”
So, I guess it appears that for the next month it is going to be:
30 Days To Go From Domestic Dud To Domestic Dude
Breakdown Of Reader’s Vote (66 Total Votes)
Domestic Dud To Domestic Dude (22)
Obsession With The Scale (18)
Cynical Side (14)
Other/Reader’s Choice (2)