Your entertainment options are fairly limited when you find yourself passing time in a hospital room taking care of a loved one. After getting over the initial shock of not having the little rugrats crawling all over you while repeatedly asking “why” and “what’s that,” you begin to catch up on what your wife has been doing for the past 4 ½ years that doesn’t involve spit up, diapers or Dora The Explorer. Alas, the gabfest ends prematurely once her new best friend morphine crashes the party and sends Jenn to her happy place.
Creativity is a must when trying to figure out ways to keep yourself entertained. Flying solo drastically reduces your potential fun. Playing “Guess The Infectious Disease” or “Name That Cough” is not nearly as amusing when no one else chuckles along with you. Rubbing hand sanitizer all over your nose and running up and down the hallways screaming “I Think I Have Swine Flu” will only get you tasered by security guards or the elderly candy striper in a wheelchair. Nix the bedpan foot race idea. Ditto on the seeing how many bites of hospital food you can keep down before your gag reflux kicks in.
When I caught myself reading a Cottage Living magazine a friend dropped off for Jenn, I knew I was teetering on the edge of complete and utter boredom. Then I realized this hospital room had an enticing feature my humble abode did not: extended cable. Endless hours of mind numbing fun were at my fingertips. With over eighty channels, there had to be something, anything, to keep my attention, right? Apparently not.
The more I clicked the remote the angrier I found myself getting. How is it that with all of these new possibilities of entertainment I end up watching the train wreck that is the Real Housewives of New York reunion for the 5th or 6th time? As fun as watching those old birds squawk at each other is, I figured getting some sleep would be a bit more productive. I decide to give extended cable a final shot of redeeming itself by allowing it one more cycle to grab my attention.
Down to my last few channels, I stumble across Adam Sandler’s cinematic masterpiece, Anger Management. With this month’s focus centered on curing my temper, I figure sleep can wait considering I could seek some wisdom from the expert on the subject of rage, Dr. Buddy Rydell. Taking out a notebook, here are some nuggets I gleamed from Buddy:
TIP #1 – You have to put your pride aside and retard your anger level a few notches and listen to those around you.
TIP #2 – Sarcasm is the second cousin of anger while flirting is the second cousin of cheating.
TIP #3 – There are two types of anger: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. Do everything in your power to make sure you’re not the cashier.