Curing 30 Years One Month At A Time

April 16, 2009

This Hungry Man Made A Mean Cuisine In 4 Minutes Or Less

Filed under: domesticated — Tags: , , , — 30tocure30 @ 9:06 pm

tvdinner

Chalk one up for the soon to be domesticated dad. Last night I prepared a cuisine of epic proportions for my two little girls. They partook in a royal feast fit for a princess. If only I had the digital camera set to capture their ecstatic faces when I showed them an example of what they were having for dinner. Even with a wide-angle lens it would have been challenging to fit those grins that went from ear to ear inside the frame.

Jumping for joy, dancing on the ceiling, raising a ruckus or giving mad props to their pops. Pick whatever expression you want. All I know is this is a drastic change from standard operating procedure. Normally, we have to pry them away from their toys or coloring book and plop them down at the kitchen table if we have any chance of them eating.

Maddie and Paige’s tendency to stare at their plates, push their food around with their sporks and say, “no, I don’t want to…” has nothing to do with their mom’s cooking. The truth is Jenn is an amazing cook and this isn’t even a cheap ploy to earn brownie points in hopes of her whipping up a batch of those delicious chocolate treats later. But, if she by chance is reading this I wouldn’t be opposed to you ‘Betty Crocker’ing’ up.

Italian, Mexican, French or even the cuisine God himself blesses: southern barbeque. These cuisines don’t grab our girls’ attention or open up the hanger to ensure the food airplane has a safe landing.  The culture of those cuisines is grounded here on earth while what I made last night was a meal that is out of this world. There really is no comparison. It is the cuisine to end all cuisine for those twelve years or younger. The name says it all: Kid’s Cuisine.

mva_nuggetsWhen a kid hears that the dish was made for the stars of Monsters vs. Aliens they begin to salivate. Somewhere in the midst of those 600mg of sodium, 3.5g of saturated fat and 12g of sugar are special preservatives that mess with the youngster’s mind. Apparently, children only believe there is one food group and that is of the starch variety. The menu included a turkey corn dog, yellow corn and fries.

With their bellies bogged down by all those carbs, they break out of their carbohydrate comatose through chocolate pudding and sprinkles. Now, thanks to their sugar high they’re back to their normal selves of bouncing off the walls and couch diving while watching Little Mermaid for the 2,567th time. But, what really matters is that their daddy is one step closer to domestication by mastering the microwave. 

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March 6, 2009

Hearing “I Don’t Know…Where Do You Want To Eat?” Always Makes Me Grimace

 

Didn't You Watch Super Size Me? This Is Your Body On McDonalds

Didn't You Watch Super Size Me? This Is Your Body On McDonalds

 

 

After a challenging day at work, nothing cheers me up more than walking through the front door of my house and being bombarded with hugs and kisses from Maddie and Paige. If I am also greeted with a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, I know it is going to be a good evening. Jenn is an amazing cook with lasagna, cheesy corn chowder, shepherd’s pie and teriyaki chicken being some of my favorites.

Every once in awhile Jenn will experience a day when the girls have been a pill demanding her full attention and the last thing she wants to do is cook. Some husbands would say, “Don’t worry honey. You take a break. I’ll fix dinner” as they whip up a three course meal. Unfortunately for Jenn, she married a man whose extent of cooking before meeting her involved making Ramen Noodles in a coffee pot. The cook I am not.

Instead, I play the cavalry by picking her and the two littles up from home and taking them out to eat. The funny thing is that this should offer some form of relief, but it often creates more stress as it means someone has to pick the dinning establishment for the evening. Not good news for a man who struggles with indecisiveness.

One would assume deciding on a dinner destination would not be that challenging of a task for two highly functional adults. After all, the shoestring budget we live on knocks out fancy French food unless it comes in the fry variety. Our options continue to dwindle when we take away places where being kid friendly means they serve ice tea, but only tea that is brewed straight out of Long Island.

We then have to subtract the places where our family’s picture is plastered on the hostess stand with the inscription “allow entrance at your own risk.” These restaurants match up almost identically to the locations on our “Walk of Parental Shame” list and involve stories of tossed chicken fingers, meltdowns and spilled drinks.

This leaves us with the garden variety sit down chain restaurants whose menus are almost interchangeable. There are just so many times you can dine at a Ruby Tuesday’s or TGI Friday’s before the thought of eating another meal there gives you a bad case of the Mondays.  Now you find yourself hurting, as it appears you are left with only fast food joints. You know that frequenting McDonald’s will leave you grimacing every time you try to squeeze into your jeans as you slowly turn into the chubby purple being known as Grimace one Big Mac at a time. 

So, what does that leave Jenn and I with? Not much other than a great possibility that we will either hear or utter the expression we despise the most “I don’t know…. where do you want to eat?” This normally takes place the moment my car keys enter the ignition, but before exiting the driveway. We then proceed to scan through the Attractions Coupon Book the next-door neighbor kids roped us into buying along with the chocolate bars, magazine subscriptions and Avon products. On a side note, I would not be surprised if they were secret business moguls who have their own Twitter accounts where they sell an e-book focused on utilizing the guilt factor to boost your sales quota. 

Back to the car where I am now playing the time honored multiple-choice game known as “Give Me Three Options” where Jenn offers up the same suggestions she did the last time we found ourselves in the CRV hungry and looking at each other clueless. The peanut gallery in the second row listening to The Count Sings About Numbers offers up their two cents as well.

Tonight’s winner is Atlanta Bread Company. In my battle to combat indecisiveness, I wonder if this technically counts as a decision or a step towards growth. Granted, I did decide where we were going (1 point for me). However, it was kid’s night (minus 1 point) at place we frequent so often the majority of the staff knows our name (minus 1 point), exactly what we order (minus 1 point) and gives us an extra free cookie coupon so both girls can get a desert (minus 1 point) as they’ve seen the chaos the can be caused by splitting a cookie between girls. If I am doing my math right, this means making the “simple” decision of where to eat put me three in the hole towards decisiveness. 

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