Curing 30 Years One Month At A Time

April 18, 2009

Looks Like I’m Adding A Few More Things To My ‘Honey Do’ List

Filed under: domesticated — Tags: , , , , , , — 30tocure30 @ 10:31 pm

The following post is written by my beautiful wife, Jenn: 

Here we are two thirds of the way through April and I thought I’d take the chance to weigh in on Tony’s quest to become a Domesticated Dude.  First, let me say that I do not think that he is undomesticated, like a stray cat.  He puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, usually puts the toilet seat down and is fully capable of taking care of our girls.  Actually, there is a lot around the house that he can and does do.  Sometimes he fumbles through the tasks at hand and sometimes he sails right on past and on to the next thing.

Life around our house is busy.  Our two-year-old Paige is a crazy, climbing wonder.  She is kind of like a little super hero that climbs on, swings from or flips over anything she can find, stack or otherwise manipulate into a springboard for her imagination.  She is always trying to” save the day” or at least entertain you until you forget that you were about to tell her to stop tearing the couches apart or not to jump onto the coffee table.

kids-hand-messy-art-project1Maddie on the other hand is our budding artist.  Whatever she can cut, color or paste together she will.  It’s not unusual to walk into the dining room to find a plethora of masterpieces strewn around the table or taped to windows of our French doors.   Most of the time there are snippets of paper littered beneath her chair.  For her to create what she sees in her minds eye is freeing… and quiet messy! 
All of this to say, our life with kids isn’t exactly what we thought it would be.  We knew that they required a lot of stuff but we weren’t exactly prepared for the mess they leave in their wake as they bounce around exploring their worlds. 

We wouldn’t trade it for anything but it does require us to adjust our expectations and priorities for cleaning.  No longer is the order of our CD’s of utmost importance or whether the spines of the books on the bookshelf are all even with the edge of each shelf. 

I would like to say that Tony’s journey to domestication is definitely a transition to seeing our world a little differently and being ok with the fact that our kids personalities definitely challenge us in all areas, including the domestic arena.

I think Tony does a great job in a lot of areas so he is well on his way to becoming domesticated:

  • I love the fact that Tony is not afraid to conquer the bathrooms.  Thank you to the summers of working Conference Services at Messiah College.  When he is done, the toilet bowl shines.  I’m not sure if there is anyone out there that loves cleaning toilets.  I appreciate his willingness to do it though.fotolia5948038xs-main_full
  • He takes care of our girls fabulously.  When I get home from an evening out, they are sound asleep in their beds, fully bellies, bathed, teeth brushed and bible story, song and prayers done.  They think he hangs the moon and it’s the sweetest thing ever.
  • Tony does the laundry and even irons his clothes.  I love that about him!  Especially when he worked at Wachovia while I stayed home with the girls.  Taking his shirts to get cleaned and pressed was no longer part of the budget but it didn’t fall completely on my shoulders. 

There are several other things he is completely capable of but that is not what this is really about. However, there are a few things I would love to see him learn to do.  If not for the necessity, for the fact that these things would qualify as traits a Domestic Diva possesses.  I would like to take the opportunity to make some suggestions for Tony to think about and maybe try in the last part of the month. So, here we go:

  1. Tony can cook but I’m not sure that popping a Lean Cuisine into the microwave or making Ramen in a coffee pot quiet qualifies as cooking.  Sure, most anybody can boil some water and pour a jar of sauce on top to make spaghetti or stick some Eggos in the toaster and call it brinner (breakfast for dinner.)  But, I would really love it if he learned how to cook one good meal.  It doesn’t have to be fancy it just has to be something he chooses and can do all on his own without me walking him through it step by step.  Ohhh… maybe chocolate chip cookies.  That would be yummy!
  2. Sew a button.  Every Domestic Diva, or Dude, should know how to sew a button back on a shirt of a pair of pants.  Fixing a hem would be nice too… sewing the girls a skirt…that would be hilarious but defiantly do-able.
  3. One more thing… spend a day in my shoes.  Tony is so great at so many ‘domestic things’ even though he probably doesn’t see it.  He has come a long way from the day he moved out of his mamma’s house, that’s for sure!  He is capable of cleaning, taking care of the girls, making something to eat, etc.  But he rarely has to do it all simultaneously.  I’d like to see him give it a try.  I’m confident that he’ll be fine.  But, I’d still like to see him do it. (He probably will only make if half a day before I miss him and the girls too much and I crash his day of domestic duties!)

Tony, you are on your way to Martha Stewart status…lets see you finish strong!

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April 6, 2009

Can Any Of You Heroes Help Me With The Dishes…Sylar, Claire, Hiro…Anyone?

Filed under: domesticated — Tags: , , , , , , — 30tocure30 @ 9:45 pm

 

Can Any Of Your Heroes Help Me With The Dishes.. Sylar, Claire, Hiro...Anyone?

Can Any Of You Heroes Help Me With The Dishes.. Sylar, Claire, Hiro...Anyone?

No wonder those domesticated ladies go all ‘diva’ on you. Frankly, I can’t blame them for their attitude. I’m only a few days into my month long journey of breaking my cluelessness around the house and taking steps towards becoming a domesticated dude, yet I already find myself agreeing more with Oprah and becoming a man hater.

The thing is being domesticated really cuts into your “me” time and as a man I love myself some “me” time. You have no opportunity to unwind as there is always chores to be completed, something demanding your attention or errands you must run.

Take for instance tonight. After a long day of work, all I want to do is zone in front of the television and watch Heroes. However, a pile of dirty dishes beckons. They’ve been ignored for far too long which makes me dread this undertaking even more (on a side note, Jenn would like the world to know she cleans the dishes promptly, but in the spirit of my growth has passed on this responsibility for April).

Due to my neglect, food remnants are now plastered on every plate, bowl or utensil. Rather than a sponge, I need an industrial sander in order to separate the leftovers from the dishes. This is an undertaking not fit for mere mortals like myself. Superhuman strength is required.

As I grab the first plate covered with what I believe (and hope) is spaghetti sauce, I begin to wish I were Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Micah Sanders or any other Heroes character. I take that back, no self respecting Heroes fan would ever dream of being Mohinder Suresh unless it was to take over his body in order to commit suicide so his horrible storyline can finally be ended.

Imagine the limitless possibilities having their abilities would open up when it comes to cleaning the dishes:

 

Hiro

Hiro

 

 

Hiro Nakamura – Teleportation could come in real handy. I could time travel from a currently dirty kitchen back in time a few hours in order to suggest going out to eat rather than cooking at home. On the flip side, jumping into the future would greatly increase the chances that Jenn would reach the “Tony is such a slacker” level and finally give in to doing the dishes herself. I close my eyelids shut and scrunch up my face like I’m constipated in hopes of stopping time. Nothing happens except for a little toot that sneaks out. If I was able to freeze time, the dishes could mysteriously ‘disappear’ by me throwing them in the trash with nobody being any the wiser.

 

 

Nathan

Nathan

 

 

 

Nathan Petrelli – I could either charm Jenn with my ravishingly good looks or use my flying ability to avoid the chaos in the kitchen. If this fails then I would leverage my governmental influence to pass a bill in Congress that mandates kitchen chores be considered illegal from this day forward.

 

 

 

Micah

Micah

 

 

 

Micah Sanders – Ah, to be a little prodigy who can fix things. Knowing how to communicate with machines, the dishwasher would now not only clean the plates, but clear them from the table, perform a pre rinse in the sink and wipe down the kitchen counters afterwards.

 

 

 

 

Claire

Claire

 

 

 

Claire Bennet – You have to be careful when you turn on the hot water because you could get seriously burned. Now I don’t have to worry about cranking up the heat because my rapid regeneration would mean my burnt skin would heal and I would be back to my old self in no time. 

 

 

 


The Haitian

The Haitian

 

 

 

The Haitian – Friends who come over and criticize the smell emanating from the kitchen would be dealt with very easily by erasing their visit to Ripa household completely from their memories.

 

 

 

 

Molly

Molly

 

 

 

Molly Walker – If Jenn ‘suggests’ the dishes need to get done before she gets back from the grocery store; I could use Molly’s GPS locating ability to track Jenn’s progress. Knowing where Jenn is at all times would give me the opportunity to play the Wii, check Facebook and update Twitter. Sensing Jenn is right around the corner, I would jump into gear at the last possible moment and finally get down to business.

 

 

 

 

Matt

Matt

 

 

 

Matt Parkman – As a husband you know almost instinctively when you’ve dropped the ball. You don’t need the ability to read your wife’s minds to realize she is fuming on the inside about the stack of plates piled up on the counter. However, men have yet to perfect the power of mental manipulation in order to twist their spouse’s thought so she feels the sudden urge to tidy up around the house.

 

 

Sadly, I am just a pitiful mortal with no special abilities unless you count my superhuman procrastination skills. Speaking of that, the dishes are not cleaning themselves. Yatta!

April 2, 2009

The Mismatched Socks Have Spoken: Time To Turn This Domestic Dud Into A Domestic Dude

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — 30tocure30 @ 10:38 pm

 

Most Men Fear The Iron...

Most Men Fear The Iron...

Running frantically down the hallway I bump into a few of my issues and regrets that are making a B-Line to the exit doors. I know I am a little late, but why are they out of the classroom? Trying to figure out the exact time, I reach into my pants pocket for my cell phone, but it is nowhere to be found.

Then it hits me; in my rush to get out the door this morning I forgot to grab them from my other pair of slacks along with my wallet. I guess lunch will consist of me feasting on leftover ketchup and mustard packets from the teacher’s lounge.

Entering the classroom I realize that I’m twenty minutes late and few of the issues decided to stick around to see if I would actually show. Before I can even start today’s lesson, the regrets that are sitting in their seats begin to chuckle. Cynical side raises his hand while attempting to hold back laughter.

 

Cynical Side: “I am sorry teach, but I have to ask: what is going on? Did you dress yourself in the dark? You look like a hot mess.”

Me: “Sorry, I slept through the alarm clock. Jenn and the girls went to visit her folks out west and I’ve been bacheloring it up for the past week. I think I am doing okay.”

Cynical Side: “Yes, if by okay you mean wearing a wrinkled shirt with an imprint of an iron on it, mismatched socks and jeans where you can play connect the dots with the stains then yes you are doing an amazing job. Let me guess…you are wearing used boxers.”

Me: “In my book if you flip them inside out, they’re brand new.”

Cynical Side: “I feel for you teach. It must be hard to find time to clean clothes and do other chores while you sit on the couch watching reruns of Scrubs as you eat McDonald’s for the 4th night in a row.”

Me: “Wait a second, I actually made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich one night and I whipped up something this morning: Pop Tarts. I like to call it the breakfast of champions. And as far as the laundry goes I still haven’t figured out if the washing machine has the door on the side or on top. It is very confusing if you ask me.”

Cynical Side: “That’s a Pop Tart? Wow, I thought it was…. well I wasn’t really sure. I just know it smells like burnt tires. Look, all of the issues and regrets eventually want our time in the spotlight, but some things are bigger than us. You know what you need to focus on this month.”

Me: “I think you’re right.”

 

So, I guess it appears that for the next month it is going to be:

30 Days To Go From Domestic Dud To Domestic Dude

 

Breakdown Of Reader’s Vote (66 Total Votes)

Domestic Dud To Domestic Dude (22)

Obsession With The Scale (18)

Cynical Side (14)

Anger (10)

Other/Reader’s Choice (2)

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