Curing 30 Years One Month At A Time

March 8, 2009

According To My Swatch Watch, It Is Time To Stop Being Switzerland

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — 30tocure30 @ 10:28 pm


How Can You Disrespect A Country That Brought The World Swatch Watches?

How Can You Disrespect A Country That Brought The World Swatch Watches?



My indecisiveness has led some to believe my actual residency lies somewhere in the snowy hills of the Swiss Alps and not the sandy beaches of Wilmington, NC. If I received a nickel for every time I have heard the expression ‘stop being Switzerland and choose a side already!’ I would be a very rich man who would funnel his money into one of those secretive Swiss bank accounts. The rest of my days would be spent strolling the streets of Geneva – a city that just happens to offer the highest quality of life in the world.

If you ask me, Switzerland gets a bad rap for remaining neutral. Due to them not choosing sides, we lose sight of all that is great about this country. Yes, it might be true that they haven’t been to war since 1815, but this is of little concern if you are lucky enough to get a chance to ski down the slopes of The Alps. Sitting in the lodge sipping on hot chocolate, you check your favorite Swatch watch and realize that you are just in time to watch ESPN Classic replay the 2004 Wimbledon Finals.

After witnessing Roger Federer, the greatest Swiss athlete of all time, take home one of his 13 Grand Slam titles; you hop into your Smart Car and head over to your friend’s house for a fondue party. It might be hard for you to choose sides about a lot of things, but you are confident there is nothing better than dipping pieces of bread into warm melted cheese.

It might not seem this way, but there is a purpose behind Switzerland staying out of the world’s conflict. Being a small country in a geographical vulnerable location, there is safety in not choosing sides. As long as they remain neutral, other countries cannot invade it no matter how bad they want to storm the Alps in hopes of stealing the secret Swiss fondue recipe.

Contrary to the popular saying, I believe there are more than two sides to every story especially if I am the individual others are looking towards to settle an argument. While Person A has their viewpoint and Person B holds their slant, I am trying to mesh both sides together and create Story C.  Why do I hate picking sides so much? Part of it is not wanting to make anyone feel bad. Somehow I think by withhold a decision I am being respectful to the individuals who are on separate sides of a disagreement. I want them to feel like they are being heard and understood.

At first glance, this appears noble, but if someone were to dig deeper they would realize this action is rooted in pure selfishness. More than anything, I want to be liked and rocking the boat by picking sides has the tendency to disrupt any relationship. By living in the middle ground, the Swiss receive stability, security and safety. However, in return for my many years of sitting on the fence all I have to show for it are splinters stuck in my butt.

March 3, 2009

Yeah, After Second Thought I Am Going To Need That Rose And Ring Back

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — 30tocure30 @ 11:05 pm


When Reality TV Goes Too Far...

When Reality TV Goes Too Far...

My life up to this point has had its fair share of awkward moments. Take for instance the day in 7th grade when I wasn’t paying attention and walked straight into the wrong bathroom. Or what about the time while in the crowded mall I came up behind my wife and gave her a cozy hug only to find out from the slap in the face I had suffered a bad case of mistake identity. Then there was the time I fell in a six-foot ditch after being chased by a pack of wild geese while on vacation.

Some would say that my luck, or lack thereof, is on par with Greg Focker from Meet The Parents. One of the reasons I trust Jenn and I are meant to be together is due to the fact it required a miracle from the God for this to take place after the wealth of awkward experiences that occurred while getting to know my in-laws. The summer after graduating college I spent out in Carmel, California where Jenn grew up.

This domesticated city boy looked really out of place during the family camping trip. The level of discomfort was taken up a notch when my tiny bladder decided to act up causing me to spend the majority of time in the state park restroom. A few weeks later Jenn and I were settling down to watch a movie when her parents decided they weren’t tired and instead staid up and joined us. The movie we watched this evening just happened to be Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. I do not remember much of this Rob Schneider movie masterpiece because my hands were glued to my face the entire time out of shear embarrassment. There were probably other moments that summer that were on par with this, but I have attempted my best to erase then from my memory.

As awkward as all of these moments might be, nothing compares to the painful interaction I witnessed last night. It was a train wreck of epic proportions. Even though I wanted to divert my eyes, I never mustered enough strength to change the channel.  Like most of America, I remained on the edge of my seat befuddled at what I was watching wondering if reality television had finally reached the breaking point of bad taste. The dirty moment that made me want to go take a shower was none other than The Bachelor: After The Final Rose.

After losing interest in Heroes, I flipped over to watch The Bachelor (Jason Mesnick) give an engagement ring to Melissa. At first, it appeared much like previous seasons where the two cuddled and kissed as the credits ran. I went to go mark my calendar for a year from now so I could be sure to catch the TMZ episode that would report the couple destined to be together sent out press release through their agent saying they decided to part ways and were now “just friends.” Before I could even put the pen to paper, Jenn was urging me to get back in here.

What I then proceed to watch for the next hour made me feel completely uncomfortable. I kept asking myself if this was actually happening. This has to be scripted, didn’t it? If I could sense the awkwardness emanating from the television screen, I cannot imagine what Melissa went through in real time. I mean how do you respond to your fiancé when he says, “yeah, I think I am going to need that rose and ring back from you?”  I guess when your on primetime television you use the word Melissa uttered that rhymes with dastard.

Only six weeks after proposing to Melissa, Jason had a change of heart and decided to see if runner-up Molly wanted to grab “coffee or something.” Talk about being a flip flopper. How is it possible that he couldn’t make up his mind after devoting his entire focus to finding a mate from 25 eligible women? And to think I thought I struggled with being indecisive.

Every month so far I have enlisted the help of a few people to hold me accountable about changing my behavior and attitude. The first 30 days of becoming a man I relied on the strength from the guys in my small group. I sought the wisdom of outgoing people who were comfortable being in a crowd to get over being socially stunted. Last month involved reading articles from relationship experts and asking advice from husbands in strong marriages I admire. Knowing I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Jenn’s friends if I dropped the ball also kept me on my best behavior. Needless to say, the flip-flopping Bachelor will not be on my board of advisors for this month’s focus.  

March 2, 2009

And The Winner Is (Here’s A Hint): I Got My Swim Trunks And My Flippie Floppies….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — 30tocure30 @ 11:05 pm


I Am The King Of The Flip Flop

I Am The King Of The Flip Flop

The school bell rang 15 minutes ago, but that is of little significance. Attendance today is sparse at best. Upon hearing the possibility that an actual snowflake might fall to the ground somewhere in southeastern North Carolina, many of the issues, fears and regrets assumed school would be cancelled for the rest of the week. Once word got out about the white stuff panic ensued. Paranoia especially freaked out.  He fought the lines at the grocery store to stock up on eggs, bread and 5 gallons of milk, which is a bit odd considering he is severely allergic to wheat and also lactose intolerant.

I guess you can never be too prepared for a cold, rainy drizzle.  There is no point in even attempting to start a lesson because no one is paying attention anyway. The issues that actually showed up just happen to be the 4 that are nominated to be head of the class for the next 30 days: Impatience, Cynical, Anger and Indecisiveness.

They all reacted differently to the news that their fate lied not in my hands, but with all the voters living in Internet Land. Anger went ballistic and had to be restrained by numerous regrets until he managed to find his ‘happy place.’ On the other hand, every free second Impatience had was spent checking the website for updated results to see where he stood. Indecisiveness went back and forth trying to figure out if he should get his friend, Hesitation, to hack into the system to ensure he would come out on top. But, he never made up his mind. It came as no surprise to anyone when Cynical sat on his hands and did absolutely nothing figuring the outcome was already determined. At least I know from their reactions they are all committed.

For the majority of the day we just twiddle our thumbs waiting for the online voting to come to an end. The clock dings five times and everyone knows what that means. As I turn on my Macbook, all of the issues come up front and huddle around the computer.


Anger (squeezing a stress ball): “DANG IT! If this thing doesn’t load soon I swear I am going to throw it across the room!”

Impatience (tapping his feet): “I know. C’mon, boot up already. This is taking forever.”

Indecisiveness (hands over eyes): “I don’t know guys….do we really want to see the results? If we do, things could change between us and get really awkward. On the other hand, one of our lives is going to be changed forever. I’m torn as to what to do…”

Cynical (rolls his eyes): “Oh please. You seriously cannot be that dense, can you? Whoever the ‘genius’ was that came up with the idea to put this month’s focus to a reader’s vote is completely clueless…” (gets cut off)

Me: “Hey, Mr. Glass Is Half Empty you know that is me you are talking about right?”

Indecisiveness (hands still over the eyes): “Actually, scientists haven’t determined the whole glass argument. Like myself, they cannot decide if it is half empty or half full. They are split 50-50.”

Cynical (throwing hands up in the air): I’m just saying….you put up a poll with 4 issues you need to work on and one of them just happens to be indecisiveness. Indecisiveness! Am I the only person who sees the irony in this? Well guys, I can’t make up my mind on what to focus on so I am going to leave it up to you. I am not even sure why you put it to a vote.  Let’s just get on with this silly charade.”

Impatience (pacing back and forth): “Still loading…ah, this is killing me. Can’t you pick up a stronger Wi-Fi signal?”

Anger (clinching his fists): “For the love….I am going to snap. The breathing exercises my therapist taught me aren’t helping at all.”

Cynical (chuckling): “It’s up….and the results are just like I thought. Now the fun part comes watching this train wreck of a decision or lack thereof.”

Me: “Well, the voters have spoken and indecisiveness it is your turn.

Indecisiveness: “Man Teach. You are really putting me on the spot. You know I am not good with that.”


So, for the next month my focus will be:

30 Days To Make A Decision….Well, Maybe.


**FYI: For the curious reader, here is the breakdown of the votes: Indecisiveness (22) Cynical Side (19) Impatience (18) Anger (10) and Other/Reader’s Choice (1)**

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