The following reflection is from my beautiful wife Jenn on the past month’s focus: 30 Days To Falling In Love With My Wife All Over Again.
Well, here I am. It’s my turn tonight. The roles are reversed. T is snuggled up on the couch and I sit here with ‘The Harlot”. My job: to reflect back on the past month, 30 Days to Falling In Love With My Wife Again. I hesitated to contribute. I am not Tony… how do I know whether he accomplished falling in love with me again. I’d like to assume that he never fell out of love with me, but rather after almost 8 years of marriage there were some things that we may have forgotten about, let slide, or just never gave much thought to. Yes, this is what I am going to assume.
I can however make some observations about Tony this past month. Wait; let me clear up one thing… Tony isn’t a completely unloving dirt bag who had to devote an entire month to showing me how much he loves me. I know he loves me. He is a sweet, loving, kind man who sometimes forgets the basics and maybe loses sight of what is right in front of him. He is not alone. I’m right there with him.
A few observations:
The fact that he is willing to devote an entire month to our marriage shows me he loves me…enough said. For the past few weeks he has thought about our marriage daily. I know, that sounds odd. I mean, shouldn’t we all spend a little time daily thinking about our marriages? Maybe not so intentionally that we could write about it for a whole month but I don’t’ think it’s a stretch to say that for most of us we don’t spend much time daily, if any, thinking about our marriage and our spouse. Is what I am doing or how I am treating my spouse today reflective of how much I really love him? Did my words leave him wondering what I really meant by what I said? Do my actions convey what my heart feels? How is our communications?
It’s a blanket statement so don’t get mad, but this is probably not the reality for most married couples. It’s understandable. Life gets in the way and marriage begins to feel like an arrangement, a contract or another commitment and not the covenant that we entered into bound by love. Do I think that T will continue to think about our marriage every day for the rest of our lives, maybe not? But I do think that after concentrating on something for an entire month it is near to impossible to let it fall to the wayside and go back to the way things were.
Tony loves his sleep, but he loves me more. I know this because there were many days that he let me sleep in a few extra minutes while he wrangled the girls at 6am. This may seem trivial to some but sleep is a coveted commodity in our home. We have been playing “who can lay still longer and fake sleeping so they won’t have to get up with the ‘little lovey’” for 4 ½ years. Most of the time I’ve lost, but this month I didn’t have to play the game. He forfeited and I’m so thankful!
He drinks lattes, eats muffins, and plays Scrabble with me…even though he was once a little embarrassed to order the coffee, knows that I’ll eat the top off the muffin and I’ll indulge myself in a little lighthearted gloating when I beat him at Scrabble. Love, love, love! Oh and that he will use his iTunes gift card to download a song that I like but he would probably not put on his own iPod. All sounds so silly but its sweet and tender and he is not afraid to be that for me.
Ok… here it is. I’m just going to say it. I am constantly torn with feeling disappointed that he is not meeting my needs and taking care of me and being thankful that he goes to work every day, and works at home most nights, so that he can take care of the needs of our family and allow me to stay home to raise our little girls. This is something that we believe strongly about and I know that it is not without great sacrifice on Tony’s part to make this belief become a reality. The little things that I get irritated with cast shadows on the fact that he is taking care of one of my greatest needs and loving me in a way that is beyond what I could have imagined. What a gift!
He doesn’t need to take a quiz, devote 30 days to it, or blog about it. He loves me daily and I know that. Oh and Tony, when you tell me that you love me and I respond with at ‘Thank You’ its not because I’m afraid to tell you ‘I love you’ back… its because from the deepest portion of my heart I am so incredibly thankful… for you, for our marriage and for the family that you have given me… thank you!