The note on the door caught all of the Issues off guard. At first, they thought nothing of the substitute teacher that replaced Tony one afternoon. Probably a stomach bug, or something like that, they figured. But, when he was absent the next afternoon and the days that followed some of the Hang-Ups begin to wonder what was wrong with him, especially Worry and Neurotic.
The rumors of Tony’s whereabouts became more elaborate the longer he remained M.I.A. Socially Stunted said he knew Tony had a weakness for bacon (he remembered how Tony would refer to it as Meat Candy). This caused the other Issues to deduct that the sheer amount of bacon he consumed caused Tony to contract a severe case of Swine Flu. Poor Self Image said Tony had to take a week long sabbatical to mourn Ben Stiller’s acting career after watching the family comedy A Night At The Museum 2. In hopes that Ben would come to his senses and go back to his roots, Tony was dressing in all black and watching Zoolander and There’s Something About Mary on a continuous loop.
Another Issue said she heard of a guy racing up and down the hallways at New Hanover Regional Medical Center muttered “this is the happiest place on earth….this is the happiest place on earth.” She reasoned this mad man probably was Tony after numerous doctor visits and hospital stays caused his tax refund that was once earmarked for Mickey Ears to disappear in thin air.
Socially Stunted mustered up all his strength and shouted out: “THEY BROKE HIM!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT…THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! ANGER AND CYNICAL CRUSHED HIS SPIRIT!!!”
Lack of Manlines cut him off: “That’s what I thought so too. But, if you wouldn’t sit off on the sidelines you’d be able to read the note and realize that isn’t the case. Here’s what it says…”
DEAR ISSUES, HANG-UPS, WEAKNESSES AND REGRETS –
Knowing how your mind works…well, because you are stuck in mine, I know what you’re thinking. No, the Bash Brothers of Anger & Cynical did not put me over the edge. Actually, realizing that the majority of the times I flew off the handle or seemed a little jaded was primarily due to unrealistic expectations and pure selfishness has helped to put those guys in their place.
The reason for my absent is just life. Sometime it gets in the way and you find yourself just trying a moment where you can just breathe and collect your thoughts. Realizing I have yet to perfect the art of an ideal work/life balance, I turned the laptop off for an extended period to spend time with the girls that matter the most: Jenn, Maddie and Paige. Words are incapable of describing the joy that I felt while hanging out with them. Yet, in the midst of it all, I saw that there is much I need to work on to be the type of father my rugrats need. So, get ready for me to back in the office tomorrow and for the next month focusing on:
30 DAYS TO EARN MY TOKEN DAD OF YEAR MUG
p.s. Stop it cynical.. My decision had nothing to do with positioning for a bigger present for a certain holiday pertaining to males who have kids that just happens to fall in June.